Diagnosis Archives - PANDAS Foundation UK

DO I LOVE MY BABY? – BY THE BUTTERFLY MOTHER

(Original Content taken from The Butterfly Mother blog)

bonding

Yesterday we had the paddling pool out for the first time. Caterpillar had a lot of fun and then wanted to come and sit with me where I was watching from the picnic blanket. I wrapped him in a towel and we snuggled down and cuddled, looking at the sky and talking about the sun and clouds, singing songs and tickling each other. Not an unusual sight for a mother and toddler, but a moment perhaps more significant to me than it would be to someone who hasn’t suffered Postnatal Depression. Read More

SPOTTED – BY CATHERINE PANDAS

Hello there!  I’m Catherine.  I’m the (wobbly) braun behind the PANDAS Guest Blog.  It’s been suggested by our team that it would be interesting to have a regular feature, the tale of someone who’s been there, done that… and I volunteered!

I’m 30.  I live in a town called Rugby.  I play the cello and cross-stitch for money.  I have a daughter, V, who is 2 years and 8 months old.  I live with my fiance R.  R has two children.  L is 7 and M is 4 (nearly 5).  L and M live with us part-time, 50/50.  The rest of the time they live with their Mum who lives down the road.  V’s Dad lives in a town called Tarlac with his wife and son, and we haven’t heard from him since January.

I was diagnosed with postnatal depression when V was about 6 months old.  I was “spotted” by a Stop Smoking counsellor.  I had started smoking, secretly, about two weeks after my daughter was born.  Looking back, I now believe I was desperate to scrape back some of the life I had before.  I remember hearing, so often, “Ooh, your life is turned upside down when you have a baby.  Nothing will ever be the same.”  I didn’t believe it until it happened.  I started to miss small things like walking with my headphones in, music blaring.  I missed smoking cigarettes and drinking red wine in my living room, listening to vinyls on my record player.  I missed sleep.  And then, before I knew it, there I was, standing outside in my dressing gown, baby sleeping in the kitchen, me with a fag in one hand and googling “New Mum helpline” on my phone with the other.  How did this happen?  How did I get here? Read More

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